Realizing the pains in life

I am becoming more aware each day of the pains in life. I have dealt with Bipolar for the past 10 years and now the possibility of having Fibromyalgia. Bipolar in itself has been the worst thing on my family and of course myself. I have hurt alot of people by the stupid things I have done while in a manic state of mind. They all say they know I wasn't thinking clearly when these things happened, but it doesn't stop the fact that I done them. I probably will never be able to forgive myself for all the terrible things I have done to my family. I know I have hurt them and disappointed them in so many ways.
You know you aren't a bad person, in fact I know I am a very loving, giving and kind person. But sometimes your mind starts to make you think other wise. I am currently taking 6 different medications and on disability. This is NOT how I expected my life to be! I have been dealt this hand and I have to take it day by day. That is the only way I can deal with it. Some days are wonderful, some are a living hell. The mood swings some days can be so awful that I can bearly stand myself! One minute everything is fine the next I hate everything and everything gets on my last nerve. It is the craziest of moments.
Now the possibility of having Fibromyalgia is just the icing on the cake!! I am having a lot of pain all over my body. It aches all over, and a deep ache I might add. At times it is worse than others. Like when I do all the things I have always done and the weather changing. This has been coming on gradually. So it wasn't something that I notice as being out of the ordinary at first. The pain has become unbearable at times.
I am hoping by writing in my BLOG that this will help me to get things off my chest and maybe if someone else is having the same problems we can write each other. Who knows...maybe we can give suggestions that will help us or someone else who might be reading this. I have come to realize life is so short that we can't sit in pity but keep moving forward as best we can.